Cast of Characters:
-Myself, swashbuckling malaria scientist
-Jason (friend of SwRI Paul/Marty who happens to be travelling 'round Thailand at the moment)
-Burmese Guide Mister John
-500 Thai Teenagers on tour from Bangkok
Setting: Umphang, Thailand. A little mountain town on the Mae Khlong River, near the Burmese border, used as a base for treks to the Thii Lor Su Waterfall and Karen Villages.
Trek: 3 hour Raft on the Mae Khlong, 3 hour hike to the waterfall, 3 hr hike to the Karen village, 3 hr elephant ride back to Umphang.
When: The long holiday weekend nestled between the King's Birthday and Constitution Day. 7-10 December 2002: Dry season *normally* begins at the start of November and runs thru April.
Useful Terms:
1. Sangthaews = local long distance transportation. Little pickup trucks, imagine 1970s Datsun pickups, not monster Texas trucks. Bench seats along the sides, w/ roof and railings. (In Kenya they'd be matatus, which I once swore I'd never ride) There are bars inside, like the overhead straps on a subway or bus, so one can hold on. I think the bars are just for farangs.
2. farangs = 'foreigners', mainly westerners. Like "gringo" in Costa Rica, they tell us it's not a pejorative term, it's said with affection. Whether that's true or not may be dependant upon to whom it is referring.
3. "Mai ben lai" (may pen ray)= The motto of the Thai People = "No problems" "Hakuna Matata" "No Hay problema" "NO worries."
Day 1: Sangthaew from Mae Sot to Umphang. 5-hour journey into the mountains. Twisting winding road. My stomach isn't too thrilled; I can't even handle the Texas Hill Country or the Welsh Hills w/o getting carsick. Not much choice. "All part of the Adventure."
6:45am, Jason and I stumble to the 'bus station.' My Thai proves useful after all. Three attempts of "Bai Umphang?" and we discover we're at the wrong 'station.' (bus station = parking lot with collection of trucks) Ach! What's an Adventure without a little confusion? We make our way to the other station - ie, a garage with one truck. We're in luck, the sangthaew doesn't leave until 7:30, we didn't miss it. Maybe it's my good Karma from Loy Krathong?
11 of us pile in. The 12th takes the tailgate spot. The monk gets the nice passenger seat. Lucky him. Thoughts of the perks of being a monk fill my head... We're off. The tailgate guy decided he was better off on the roof amongst the bags. I think he was right. He got to lie down and sleep, or so I thought. Turns out he was sitting up. On the roof. I decide all Thais must be acrobats, or high wire trapeze artists. Their ability to balance is unfathomable. Especially by the rather clutzy me. Though this guy is Karen, as are most people in the Sangthaew (or Burmese), so maybe it's all people in South East Asia.
Stop. Pick up more people. Stop. Little routine maintenance: Oil change. Head up the mountain.
Stop. Pick up more people. Jason decides to join the 3 Karen guys who are now standing on the tailgate. "All part of the Adventure." 1 hour of that quickly convinces him it's hard work. But hey, 18 people in a little pickup have to fit somewhere. Perhaps we were lucky there were no animals to join us, though the raw beef from the morning market under the seat wasn't helping my stomach. My arms are already sore from hanging onto the bars. I move to the floor, better for the stomach.
After 5+ hours, arrive at Umphang Hill Resort. The rest of the sangthaew ride is an adventure in itself, but we shall leave that story for another time. Suffice it to say, my stomach didn't quite survive intact.
Trekking Guy says we need to stay overnight and leave tomorrow. "Um, seems to be some confusion. You said yesterday on the phone if we took the 7am Sangthaew we could leave today (why else would we get up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday?!). I need to be back in Mae Sot by Monday night to work." Ok, no problem. 3 hour raft, 3 hour hike to the camp. Maybe a little in the dark, but have torches. Will see waterfall in the morning, then off to the Karen village. Mai ben lai. No problem.
Quick lunch. He says "You must leave your pack here." No way. It's not that big, and it's mostly empty. I'm not carrying my gear, including water bottles, in a little plastic bag in my hand whilst hiking up the mountain. I'll smush it to make it smaller. Mr Police Chief Sombat (who owns the company) insists "leave rain jacket. No need. No rain for days. DRY season." I leave the jacket, keep the pack.
After watching 52 Thai Teenage Tourists (TTT) pile into 4 overloaded rafts, Jason, Mr John, Sun-Ni our Karen paddler, and I pile into our own raft. Head up the Mae Khlong River. Gorgeous! See waterfalls. Spectacular scenery. Beautiful day. Sun-Ni is singing. There's something about the Karen and singing. It's really lovely....(well, except at 4:30am).
Mid journey, come across two of the afore mentioned TTT rafts, one of which has sprung a leak. We take on a few passengers, the other raft takes the rest. 2 boys left to deal with the damaged one. They hit a rock and capsize. No one seems worried. Jason and I stutter "um, um, um" pointing to the kids. Everyone smiles and laughs. The boys swim somewhere. Guess they'll be ok, no one seems worried.
2 hours on the river, starts to rain. A little rain? Mai ben lai. "All part of the adventure." New Digital Camera (6 weeks old) inside plastic Ziploc in my shorts pocket. Just in case I want to get it out easily, you know.
An hour before sunset, reach the bank at trailhead. Switch to hiking boots. It's raining. A lot. Cover up with large trash bags with holes cut for arms and head. Thai-style rain gear. I'm thinking this isn't bad, works ok. Mister John finds us three bamboo walking sticks even Edgar would envy. Hike.
Rain. The nice trail becomes a road. Rain. The road on which multiple 4WDs have travelled in the rain, and the other 450 TTT who left earlier. More rain. What happens to dirt when it gets wet? Mud. What happens when large vehicles and many people traverse it? Puddles. Ditches. More mud. More and more Mud.
Sun sets. More mud. TTT walking in groups of 20+. Some without guides. Many without torches. Wearing flip flops. TTT are falling left and right. Mr John, Jason and I are booking it up the hill. Mister John appears to have special feet. Good thing I'm already a fast walker. Hiking boots good. So far.
We remark on how well we're doing, not falling. Mister John calls someone, says conditions "Not too bad. Just a little more of this and it gets better." Phew! This mud walking is hard work. Try to take a picture, it's wet out. Wondering if I should have shelled out the $$ for that waterproof casing for my camera (I'm not planning to go scuba diving with it, why would I want that?!)....
Mud gets deeper. TTT still falling. Jason and I are learning to slide and balance. Wondering if I should have bought those REI trekking poles? This is pretty much like skiing. Mr John still in fast-walker mode. One more step. Slide. Another step. Slide. Lose balance, Bamboo Walking Stick saves me. "Hey this is kind of fun!"
"All part of the adventure."
Despite reminding Jason the night before to bring his, I forgot my torch. He saves the day with his headlamp and gives me his little keychain flashlight. Mr John well prepared. We manage ok. So far. Every once in awhile, see big gash where the road has washed away into a ravine. Good thing for torches. We step around.
Another step, mud up to the knees. Which is better: sinking into the mud, or staying on more solid mud and sliding? Not quite sure. Hiking boots now weigh an extra 5lbs, thanks to mud. Gripping treads? Not even close anymore. Gingerly walk up and down hills. Wobbling left and right, using every muscle to maintain balance. Staying overnight at the "resort" (ie huts) starts to sound like it may have been a good idea.
BAM! Face in Mud. Well, not enough, as my face didn't slow my slide. Instead, the plastic trash bag/rain cover works wonderfully as a sled. Slide a meter down the hill. Hahaha! Hey, all part of the adventure! That wasn't so bad. Trash bag keeps me from getting TOO muddy. For now.
One good thing about the rain - No Mosquitoes biting!
Cherise's motto: "Always look on the Bright Side of Life..." (make sure to sing that with the appropriate Monty Python tune) Ever the optimist.
Decide I'm still doing better than the TTT, falling left and right. Hey, only once for me!
Jason and I discover that balancing on slippery mud works muscles you never knew you had. Speed walker Mr John pushes ahead. "Not much further" (we're 2 hrs into the 3-hr tour. Did these guys grow up watching Gilligan's Island too?).
Hike some more. It's dark, cool but not cold, wet. VERY wet. Didn't Khun Police Chief say it wasn't supposed to rain? (We later learn, it's been raining every afternoon for 5 days. So much for the dry season).
4WDs pass us, or try to. Each one slides back 2 ft for every 1 ft forward. We jump from side to side of the road to avoid the backsliding behemouths. See two Landrovers not going anywhere: buried in mud up to the floorboards. Hah! That'll show them to try to drive thru here.
Slip again, my balance skills are quickly disappearing and my trusty Bamboo stick isn't helping much anymore. SPLAT!!! J very kindly rushes over to help me up. Ha! "All part of the Adventure. One more story for the email right?" We laugh. Mr John just wondering what the heck is wrong with us.
Come to a river crossing. Bridge = Large tree trunk. Hey, mai ben lai! I've done these millions of times. Forget I have a pack on that's now lopsided, and boots with an extra 10 lbs of mud, and the tree has a nice layer of slick mud. There's a bamboo railing. Mr John shuffles across in a blink of the eye. I climb up to go across. Take a step, briefly wonder - "maybe I should sit and scoot my way across?" The lopsided pack, the mud on my boots, the mud on the log – NOPE!
ACK! losing balance, I reach for the bamboo 'railing'. Discover it's secured at the far end, but not at this end. Swings out, carrying me with it. Into the river I go. At least the bamboo gave me something to hold onto. I manage to use my other arm to hold onto the large tree bridge. I'm submerged up to the waist. My pack is only partly submerged. My new digital camera? In my shorts' pocket. Under the water. The river is moving, but not fast. Swim? Remember that I have an extra 20lbs on my back and an extra 10 on my feet. Can't tell how deep it is, don't want to submerge my entire pack. Realise camera is a gonner (but hey, my last camera enjoyed a mud bath/river experience in Mexico, so why not this one?).
J&I are yelling for Mr John to come back. J's on the log, trying to pull my pack off so I can climb up. Only it's under the plastic trash bag so he can't get to it. I'm trying to pull myself up onto the log. Nope. One arm on the bamboo rail, the other on the log covered in mud: I'm hanging there. Contemplating how I might get out of this mettle. Mr John jumps into the water, it's not that deep, at least where he is. He makes his way over, I jump to him, sort of swimming, trying to keep my non-waterproof pack from becoming totally submerged. This IS the first day of a 3-day trek afterall… I make my way over; grab his shoulders, keeping my pack mostly above water. I feel a bit silly, realising I’m actually a very good swimmer, and Mr John is not much bigger than me. But he helps me over to the bank.
J's turn to cross the river. Debates for awhile. Stands up, and goes. I hold my breath. Seems he took lessons in Asian Balancing Skills. Or perhaps it was the Sangthaew training? Makes it across without incident. Reminds me to take the battery out of my camera. I put it in my upper shirt pocket, the only part of me not soaked, tho the pocket doesn't seal.
We laugh. Hey, I needed to wash off some mud right? All part of the Adventure. One more story for the email! Camera? Won't think about that. I'm very good with Denial. Walk another half hour. SPLAT! Camera and battery go flying out of my pocket. Retrieved the camera (tho now it's not only wet but mud covered). Battery lost. The plastic bag over me? Now completely covered in mud. More a hindrance than a help, as I discover 10 mins later.
J and Mr John help me up. Even the muscles in my feet are aching from balancing, or lack thereof. 10 mins. SPLAT! "Ok, ya know, I think I'm all set with this Adventure stuff. Maybe we could do with a little less of it now?" Get myself up, Mr John orders me to sit down so we can try to get the mud off my boots so there's more tread available. Sit. OUCH!!!! I've sat in a bush of stickers. Try to move, Mr John doesn't quite understand, ignores me, we all go to work on the boots. I ignore the stickers now implanted in my bottom. J's sandals are in a little better shape. This is when we realise that Mr John has on cleats - studs far enough apart that the mud slides thru. Wise man. We do what we can. Get up. Mr John insists I dump the mud covered trash bag 'rain gear' (it's no longer raining). Ms-Environmentalist-I-can't-litter protests. Well, supposedly there's a work crew that comes thru regularly to pick up such things....or so J convinces me. He's right. I can balance better. Mr John also insists on carrying my pack. I protest, feeling guilty. Hey, I hiked the Grand Canyon with a full pack. Twice! I can do this! He says it's flat now so it's no problem. Well, I *am* carrying a couple of his water bottles (he's carrying the food) as I had more space. Ok. World of difference.
Step. Mud. Step. Slide. Step. Mud. Step Slide. Mud Mud Mud. TTTs long out of sight - behind us. 9:00pm. Out of nowhere we see the sign, the entrance to the camp. It's not pretty, but we count our lucky stars we made it in one piece. Only 3.5 hrs. Mr John checks us in. In his broken Thai and a bit of English, (Burmese is his first language) he tells the story of my fall into the river to the guards at the desk. They crack up laughing. It's always nice to know I can amuse people, even in 3 different languages.
It's wall to wall tents, but that's ok. Mr John gets lost, but eventually we find our tent - luckily on the end of the line, by the river, so not too bad. Shows us the river path for bathing. ACK! - Steep, muddy, dark. My shaky unstable feet are not liking that. No, let's try the toilets. There are supposed to be wash basins (big tubs of water, with a bucket to pour over yourself). The basins are empty, taps dry, the floors are covered in 2ft of muck. Ok, let's try the river afterall. So 100 people bathed in it before us. All part of the Adventure. Somehow we manage to get down without falling, find a spot where it's flowing reasonably fast, and submerge ourselves (my camera is now in my pack, in the tent).
Ahhhhhh. A dirty mucky river never felt so good. "Good thing I brought the change of clothes" I say!
Jason: "Um....I only have these trousers."
Oops.
Sorry.
Do what we can to remove the bulk of the mud. Recognise that there are degrees of muddiness. We've now moved from 10 to about 5 on a 1-10 Scale of Mud, 10 being Muddiest. Funny how priorities change. Dry as much as we can with one towel between us, put our wet clothes on the tree, and Mr John calls us for dinner. Rice never tasted so good. J & I debate how many times I actually fell. I think 5, he says 3. Felt like 20. Where is Kung when you need him? He'd know. He always seems to keep track of my number of gin tonics just fine.
50 of the TTT stumble in >2 hours later, after 11 pm. Our 3.5hr trek was nearly 6 hours for them. We heard one girl was missing. Never heard the follow-up.
Back to the tent.
The First Day.
There are 2 more days to this Adventure, but this is already too long. The rest will have to wait for part II.
Preview
Supporting cast:
The Dutch Couple
The Danish Boys
Guide Otto (The Hindu Thai/Burmese with the German name)
Village Chief
Waterfalls, more bamboo bridges (17 in total), Karen Village, dinner at the chief's house, missing elephants, more mud. 4+ more hours on a Sangthaew. A delay at the immigration checkpoint. And apple pie with ice cream at Bai Fern.
And a promise to deck the first person to say "All part of the Adventure."
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